We are going to talk first about how to keep from getting into a bad relationship, and second on how to get out of one if you are in it. Bad relationships can bring ruin and damage to your whole life. So many people who write me are in a bad relationship and they are needing some kind of change. Often though they are looking for change to come in the wrong areas. They looking for a change of finances. Or a change of work conditions. Or a change in the other person. The truth is the only change that any of us are in control of is a change in ourself. Start by reading this blog today with the thought that the only true thing you can change is yourself and you are already on your way to freedom. First let's talk about how to avoid a bad relationship:
Ok. I get emails that say: "What can I do? He is not being good to me, and is selfish, mean to me, in trouble with the law." Or I get emails that say, "He is not being good to me, and he is cheating on me, and he promised to married me but he hasn't made any efforts, what do I do?"
And everytime I get an email like this the person they are in a relationship with was that kind of person BEFORE they got invovled with them. All I can say is "Why? Why? Why? Why do that to yourself." You knew they were no good, and you go with them anyway? when I ask this the responses vary, but usually, It's because they love them and they going to help them change. IF that person can't help themself change, you won't help them either. They lieing to you about change. If they wanted change they would have already done change.
It's like this if you are a bunny rabit and you find someone to date and this thing is green, got big teeth, and live in the water, you found an alligator, and it's going to eat your bunny tail alive! The Bible says do not be unequally yoked. If you are a good person, don't get invovled with a jerk because they are telling you that you are the one that can change them. Does everyone deserve a chance to do better? Absolutely! But that doesn't mean you have to enter into relations with this person, and if they won't let you help them change without any 'physical realtions going on'' they are just lieing to you about wanting to change. HELLO! BAM! Yes, there it is! For instance:
If that person you are interested in is doing drugs DONT GO ON A SECOND DATE. HELLO! If that person you are interested in has a big hickey on his neck from someone else he dated last night or last week, DONT GO ON ANOTHER DATE! If that person you are interested in hasn't had a consistent job for at least a year or two DONT GO ON ANOTHER DATE. If that person you are interested in can't get along with his family and even his momma is not happy to see him. DONT GO ON A ANOTHER DATE. If that person you interested in says He wants to serve God after you say you a church girl but he has never been to church in the past six months DONT GO ON ANOTHER DATE. If that person you are interested in wants to tell you what clothes to wear, what music to listen to, what food you can and cannot drink, who you can and cannot talk to DONT GO ON A ANOTHER DATE. If that person you are interested in has a reputation for getting in trouble with the law and sleeping around DONT GO ON A ANOTHER DATE. If that person cusses you and raises his fist at you and knocks holes in the wall when they don't get there say DONT GO ON ANOTHER DATE. If this person is still living with his wife and kids and he telling you he is going to leave them for you. DON'T GO ON ANOTHER DATE. Hey, these are the no brainer expamples, but there is more. Make your own list and set your standards high. You may think you won't ever find anyone that would pass all those test. HONEY IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN TO BE IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP! You can't find MR. right, if you hanging off the arm of the wrong person. Same thing for you guys too. When you are a bunny (a good person) don't think you can date an alligator (a bad person) without getting swallowed alive because you can't! Don't deceive yourself into thinking that with God you can change that old alligator of a person into a bunny. I mean they will lie to you and tell you how much they want to be a good person, they just want you to carry their sorry butt for them, that's all.
Now what if you already with an alligator and you got a soul tie with them and it hurts to stay and it hurts to leave. Then you do got problems!
1. Fast and pray. Don't fast and pray that they will change. Fast and pray that God will help you get out of this without it completely destroying your life.
2. Don't enable them. They are going to act out to show you how much they need you there. They will play the part of the lost sheep that is just looking for some good person like you to help them, they will give you the guilt card for not jumping at their every need. Just say, "NO" and walk away, and just like Lot, DONT LOOK BACK!
3. Don't treat them like they are handicapped. Let them know you expect them to get a job like everyone else. Let them know they have responsiblitlies like everyone else. Did they stay out all night drinking? Don't enable them by letting them sleep all day. Stay after them to pull their own weight and carry their own responsibilites.
4. If nothing else works, Plain and simple BREAK FREE. If it is your house, tell them to leave and don't cave in, stand your ground. If it is their house, why are you there? Humble yourself and find some place else to go.
Remember that the storms did not stop until the men threw Jonah overboard. Those storms in your life are not going to stop until you get that sorry Jonah out of your house. You deserve peace, and no it is not your responsiblity to take care of them or try to help change them. Their momma couldn't do nothing with them, and you aren't going to be able to either.
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