Just another toxic relationship!

 

 There are few things worse in this life than a toxic relationship.  Have you ever felt like a Samson?  Have you ever felt like your life would have been right on track with a lot less drama and stress if it weren't for your mate!   Why was Samson in a nightmare of a relationship?  First he disobeyed God.  The Israelites were not to marry anyone who wasn't an Israelite.  This was God's commands to them for marriage.  As Christians we are also told not to be unequally yoked.  Second, he married her because of his need.  He had a weakness of beautiful woman, and because of this need he ended up with a Delilah.   When you read the story of Sampson and Delilah, you see what happens when a person with a need goes outside of God's will to get the need met.  They end up with someone even needier than they are...and it destroys everything!

Proverbs 18:22
Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD

 If every relationship that you enter into seems to fail at some point along the way it is time to stop blaming the whole world and realize it is time for a change. I know someone is thinking, "But, it really isn't my fault, it really was all the other people that I was in relationship with." The one doing the hurting and the wrong, may have been the other people and not you, but still you are the one that keeps picking these kinds of relationships, you still bare some responsibility after all. If we keep picking the same 'type' of people, we will keep getting the same hurtful results! We go places we shouldn't go, and do things we should not do and end up  getting into a relationship with immature and needy people, when we should have waited upon God to bring us the right relationship in the first place. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

I have seen this over and over again.  People who are in a relationship with someone because they have a need.  If we have a need to be loved and cherished,  we may fall for the first person that smiles at us.  If we have a need to feel wanted, we may fall for the first person that is need of our assistance.  If we have a need to dominate,  we may fall for the first person that is submissive.  If we have a need to have our ego brushed, we may fall for the first person that makes us look good...relationships based on need are dangerous!   Often we begin searching early in life for that special someone that can fill that need whatever it may be! Sampson ended up with a Delilah because he had a need. In return he ended up with someone even more needy than he was...Delilah

Someone else will never fulfill your needs.  If you find someone that tries, it is just a matter of time before they get all used up by the constant demands of your needs and move on.  How many people are caught in that trap today?  How many are caught in the trap of trying everyday to fulfill the needs in the life of their spouse, and knowing that if they don't all hell is going to break loose.  It is good to be there for one another, but daily pressing to meet the needs of a needy individual can get old fast! When a relationship consist of silence, insults, quarrels, threats and dread it has gone toxic!  I have counselled many people who go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship.  You cannot change the whole world, you can only change yourself, so, it is obvious where the change needs to be!

It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling. Proverbs 20:3

Here is an example of needy situations.  One spouse wants to party all the time, and the other one has to pay all the bills.   One spouse wants to dominate every thing and the other spouse gets no say at all.  One spouse wants to play all the time and the other has to do all the work load.  One spouse wants to criticize all the time, but the other doesn't get to return the favor without the first spouse getting mad... (need I say more, I think we all get the idea of what needy people are) 

If you have a needy spouse that puts constant pressure on you to fulfill those needs whatever they may be, how do you get them to change and become less needy?  The best way to get people around you to change is to change yourself.  Why would your mate need to change if you are always meeting their need?  Now I know someone is saying, "If I don't continue to fulfill the neediness of my spouse, it is going to be world war III!  Just remember that without WWII, Hitler would have taken over.  Has someone taken over your life?  Sometimes refusing to meet the unreasonable needs of a selfish person is a necessary fight.  You don't even give them a chance to change until you stop enabling them to continue their behavior!  The more we enable people to abuse us by meeting the demands of their neediness, the more we tear them down, it is not building them up at all.

Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish plucks it down with her hands.  Proverbs 14:1

Why would a woman tear down her own  home?  Most would not do so on purpose.  We do so unknowingly when we enable the people we love to live selfishly and abusively expecting us to make up the slack.   Why do some girls always fall for the guy that 'drinks or drugs' all the money away?  For some, it is because they have a need to redeem someone else, we feel sorry for them, we want to redeem someone, to salvage a life.    Why do some girls always fall for the dominate type guy? For some it is because they have a need for safety, they want someone to bring them self, and things under control.  Why do some guys fall for a girl that is always sleeping with their best friend?  For some it is because they have a need for easy, loose woman.  Why do so me guys always fall for a woman that spends all the money on clothes, and then spends some more?  For some it was because they had a need to be with someone that made them look good. 

Take whatever need you have that got you into a bad relationship in the first place, and ask God to fulfill  that need and to change your heart. IF you don't take care of your own need, you are going to constantly pick relationships that fulfill that need, and you get one Delilah after another!    Then, get up the courage to stop fulfilling the selfish and unreasonable needs of your partner and help them realize that they have a problem...fulfilling needs just makes people more needy...If we really want to help those around us, we will expect them to be responsible and reasonable.

Don't forget that Sampson ended up with a Delilah because he had a need.  In return he ended up with someone even more needy than he was...Delilah...Don't let your needs ruin  your life.  It is time for a change, and let the first one to change always be ME!